On Tuesday, Beth and I completed 36 years of marriage. As stated last week, the love I had for her on our Wedding Day has grown many-fold as we have shared life these decades, as I have come to know her better and better, as God has worked in both of our lives – often through each other – conforming us more and more to His likeness. Our relationship gives me more joy and delight than anything else in this world.

Could that be idolatry? Can I make my wife an idol?

Yes. Idolatry is a danger whenever we delight in things of this world.

And yet we are to rejoice!

Let’s flesh out how we can properly rejoice in God’s good gifts while avoiding idolatry by looking at Scripture’s commands to husbands and examining the nature of idolatry.

• Husbands and wives are a unity, one flesh (Genesis 2:24). So we are to love our wives as our own bodies (Ephesians 5:28).
• Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). And Christ delights in His church! He rejoices over His church (Zephaniah 3:17).
• Indeed, Scripture commands the husband to “be intoxicated always” in his wife’s love (Proverbs 5:15-19). This passage in Proverbs especially emphasizes joy in the sexual relationship – a central part of both husband and wife that is shared with no other.
• A husband is to recognize, rejoice in, and honor his wife’s character and accomplishments, acknowledging God’s blessings in her (Proverbs 31:10-31).

So Beth giving me more joy and delight than anything else in this world – and my acknowledging that before others – might be biblical, might be healthy, might be God-honoring.

Yet instead it might be idolatry.

How can we make the distinction?

First, let’s clarify what an idol is. An idol is any person, power, or spirit that you rely on instead of God for satisfaction, security, accomplishment, and honor. Such idols can become the primary source of your identity – how you see yourself, how you define yourself.

So Beth becomes an idol if I find joy and satisfaction in her in and of herself, if I act or think as if I can only be happy if we are together, if I rejoice in her without seeing her as a gift from God, a lovely token of His love.

Instead, I am to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Philippians 4:4, emphasis added); I am to give thanks “always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20, emphasis added – note that this is part of the same passage on being filled with the Spirit in which the Apostle gives his teaching on marriage); I am to “do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17, again in the context of instructions on marriage), that is, to His glory and praise.

Thus, our Lord Jesus says, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37). Surely the statement carries over to husbands and wives. God must be supreme. Jesus must be our treasure. We must see ourselves as lost, without hope, without joy, without even identity unless we have Jesus. We must say with the psalmist, “Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You” (Psalm 73:25).

But when the Lord is our delight, when we see ourselves as His people, His sheep, His precious possession, when we do all things to His glory and praise, when we see all the good things in this life as tokens of His love and overflow with thankfulness when we receive them, then we are not only free to delight in our wives (and husbands and friends and health and trees and birds and sun and stars . . .), but we are commanded to do so. For that glorifies God.

C.S. Lewis uses the analogy of standing in a dark toolshed, looking at a beam of light shining through the crack above the door. He sees nothing else – the beam of light, shining on dust, is the most glorious thing visible. But then he turns his head to look up the beam, towards the sun itself. That is the source of the beam’s glory, and that is far, far more glorious.

Just so with us and all things in this world, including our spouses. There is glory in this world – and there is a special, personal display of glory for me in Beth. I can and should delight in her. But if she is not to be an idol, I must look up the beam to the source of all glory – to the One Who created her, Who gave her to me, Who made us one, Who redeemed us and sanctified us so that we would build up and not destroy our marriage, Who continues to work in us to our good and His glory. So my great delight in her becomes the prompt for praise and thanksgiving to the One Who is all-glorious.

Husbands, loves your wives. Delight in them. Be intoxicated with their love.

And look up the beam, thanking and praising Jesus. May He be your greatest delight.