[By Carrie Vaughns. Carrie gave this devotion at Angela Otchere’s bridal shower on August 25. ]

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” – James 1:2-4

I’m sure many of us have heard sermons related to James 1:2 when James said to ‘count it all joy’ when we encounter trials. Typically, those sermons focus on the “joy” part. But what is ever said about the “when” part?  Notice that James doesn’t say “if” you meet trials. He says ‘WHEN you meet trials’. And then he follows that up by saying ‘trials of various kinds’. So in other words, you MOST DEFINITELY will face ALL types of trials in this life. And in marriage with two sinners in covenant relationship with each other for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do they part, the trials will be multiplied. So Angie: with this being said, I felt it would be good to talk about how best to prepare, before the trials in marriage come.

• ELIMINATE “NEGATIVE THINKING” – When trials in marriage come our way, it’s very easy to entertain a negative thought, it’s very easy to justify a bitter attitude, and it’s very easy to harden our hearts toward our husbands. Those of us here who are married know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s not like we pray for negative thoughts and bitter attitudes towards our husbands. In the spur of the moment when the trial rears its head, these thoughts and attitudes just pop up out of nowhere! And if they aren’t dealt with, they could lead to hardness of heart, long term hardship and marital strife, and enmity against our husbands. But praise God that we have a remedy in scripture. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, Apostle Paul tells us to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ”. Take EVERY single thought captive. Are we filling our minds and hearts with the Word of God or with ideas that are destructive?  Are we looking to apply biblical principles to everyday circumstances, or do we choose worry or condemnation as our default response?
• CHECK YOUR PRIDE AT THE DOOR – Pride and insecurity form the root of many struggles in marriage. They manifest themselves in a number of ways: an unyielding desire to be right, not wanting to lose face with my spouse or others, a reluctance to admit needing help or wise counsel, a refusal to look at my own inadequacies and inconsistencies. Proverbs 16:18 says “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” When the heart is filled with pride, you will fall over and over and your marital struggles will increase more and more. We must always be examining our hearts; we must always pray and ask the Holy Spirit: Are there areas in our hearts that stubbornly refuse to bend to the Lord’s instruction due to pride? Also, constantly ask yourself: “Am I trusting the accountability partners God has placed in my life when they see a red flag that needs my attention?”
• FORGIVE AND APOLOGIZE FREELY – Piggybacking off the pride theme from the last point: everyone in this room has at one time or another struggled with pride because our hearts can be very prideful. Pride causes us to not want to admit and apologize when we sin and causes us to not want to forgive and move on when we’ve been sinned against. So therefore, in marriage we have to LEARN how to apologize quickly and forgive our spouses. The ability to forgive and apologize is absolutely VITAL in marriage because when you have two flawed sinners living life together under one roof day in and day out, you are going to sin against one another. Over and over and over. So, you’ve got to be able to admit and apologize when you sin against your husband and you’ve got to be able to forgive and move on when he sins against you. And how do we do this? By being humble. Scripture tells us in James 4:6 ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ As we grow in humility, we will grow and learn to forgive when we’ve been sinned against and to admit, apologize, and repent when we’ve committed sin.
• HONOR YOUR SPOUSE WITH YOUR WORDS – Always seek opportunities to honor, build up, and praise your husband because God has entrusted a lot of responsibilities to him as the head of the home and the leader of the family. He has a lot on his plate and he’ll need constant encouragement because this is not an easy path that God has called him to walk. However, there will come times in your marriage when you’ll have to confide in someone about issues, problems, and struggles that you and your husband are going through. And sometimes there may be things that are discussed that will cause your husband to be put in a negative light. While Scripture teaches us to seek wise counsel (Proverbs 12:15), it also warns us that, “a gossip goes around revealing a secret, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence” (Proverbs 11:13). It is wise to choose a small group of trusted advisors for accountability and counsel. However, failing to guard what you say about your husband to others (especially if it’s negative) is not wise at all.
• SUBMISSION and UNITY – Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Pastor John Piper describes biblical submission like this: “Submission is the calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership, and to help carry it through according to her gifts.” As wives, we are to come alongside our husbands and to honor and affirm their leadership. We are also to make them feel appreciated, admired, respected and loved. It may sound easy but it can be quite challenging to do, especially in those moments when he’s not leading well and not loving you well. But that’s the call for us wives. And the beauty of the call is that our Sovereign God calls us to it and He provides us wives with sufficient grace to live it out. Our husbands get the encouragement, we get the joy, God gets the glory.
  Along with submission is unity. Two become one; you are equal with him. He is your ally, not your enemy. Theologian Matthew Henry beautifully describes marital unity like this: “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

Angie, these are just some things that I wanted to share with you as you get closer to the big day. Three weeks from today, you and Rob will say “I do” and commit to each other for life. And praise God that many of us will have the privilege of witnessing that! But rest assured, the marriage trials WILL come. So get ready. Hopefully there are things from this devotion that will help you prepare for them. And even though you have an adversary who hates marriage and would like nothing more than to see you fall from the trials and to try to separate what God has joined together, you serve a Sovereign God who loves you and Rob unconditionally and is faithful to uphold and sustain you through any trial and tribulation that you will face. May the Lord bIess you and keep you, sister!