Disagreements? In Church? By Coty Pinckney

[This devotion is based on a talk given October 14 at the Treasuring Christ Together 2020 retreat. An earlier version of the paraphrase of Romans 14 is in this blog post. These two sermons from 2018 (first, second) provide more of the biblical foundation for the principles discussed here.]

Christians are one in Christ. God makes us one.

But although we are one, we differ. We disagree on trivial matters – should the Dodgers or the Rays win the World Series? But we also disagree about deeply held convictions: On political matters – should Christians vote Republican, Democrat, or neither? On education – should Christians send their children to public school, private school, or home school? On Christian behavior – how should we dress? What should we consume? On LGBT issues – how should we interact with family members who come out?

Furthermore, we not only disagree about such issues. We even disagree on whether such disagreements are important!

What does Scripture tell us about such disagreements?

The most helpful passage is Romans 14:1-15:7. Let’s draw five principles for how we handle disagreements from this great text.

Upon a cursory reading, we might conclude the passage doesn’t deal with our important disagreements, because the specific issues the Apostle Paul addresses seem to us to be trivial. We don’t disagree among ourselves about eating food purchased in the marketplace (that may have been offered to an idol); we rarely disagree about honoring one day above another.

But in Paul’s day, these disagreements loomed large – as large as our disagreements appear to us. So the same principles that Paul brings out apply to us also.

In an attempt to bring out the importance of these principles for us, consider the following rendition of Romans 14:1-21 in which I substitute our political disagreements for the first century disagreements Paul deals with. I’ve arbitrarily labeled one side Democrat and the other Republican – feel free to reverse the labels if you wish. Verse 14 moves furthest from the original text, while verses 7-13, 18, and 19 are all unchanged.

As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions, or to convince him of your opinion.  2 One person believes he should vote Democrat, while another votes Republican.  3 Let not the one who votes Democrat despise the one who votes Republican, and let not the one who votes Republican pass judgment on the one who votes Democrat, for God has welcomed him.  4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

5 One person esteems one party as better than another, while another esteems all parties alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.  6 The one who supports a party, supports it in honor of the Lord. The one who votes Democrat, votes in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who votes Republican, votes in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God.  7 For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself.  8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.  9 For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

10 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God;  11 for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.”  12 So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.

13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.  14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that one party is better than the other, but it would be wrong for another believer to support that party to please me if he is convinced otherwise. 15 For if your brother is grieved by your political advocacy, you are no longer walking in love. By political advocacy, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.  16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil.  17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of political advocacy but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.  18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men.  19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.  20 Do not, for the sake of politics, destroy the work of God. One party is indeed better than the other, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by political advocacy.  21 It is good not to support a political party – or to do anything else – if that causes your brother to stumble.

Principle 1. We All Are in Fact One in Christ

Paul’s exhortation is not, “Become one!” Rather, he tells us, “You are one in Christ – live out that reality!” We violate our true unity when we look down upon one another because of disagreements.

Principle 2. We Will Disagree About Important Issues

Paul is not surprised at their disagreements. Indeed, he doesn’t instruct them to avoid disagreements. Many of our challenging disagreements – in his day and in ours – result from God bringing together into one Body those from different backgrounds, different ethnicities, and different classes. Our coming together across such differences can and should glorify God. But inevitably we will disagree about matters that are important to us.

Principle 3. Disagreements Can Easily Foment Division

Disagreements are inevitable; division is not. Disagreement is not division. But disagreements easily lead to division.

When we disagree about important matters, we are tempted to identify with those who agree with us, and to consider those who disagree as Other. In effect, when this happens, we have divided into tribes or cliques, leading to bitterness, anger, and separation.

Paul tells us that for those truly in Christ, our identity in Christ trumps any other identity. If I am in Christ, I am more at one with a fellow believer who disagrees with me on politics, education, behavior, and LGBT issues, than I am with a non-Christian who agrees with me on all those matters.

Thus, we must take care how we treat those who disagree with us. The Gospel is at stake.

Principle 4, part 1: Conviction on Important Issues is Good!

Given the danger of division, we might be tempted to label all such areas of disagreement as unimportant, arguing that we shouldn’t even have strong convictions on these issues. But Paul says the opposite: “Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind” (Romans 14:5).

We need not have an opinion about who should win the World Series. But on these important matters, we should pray, search the Scriptures, interact with others, and come to firm convictions. That is good. That is right. That is God-honoring.

Principle 4: Conviction on Important Issues is Good, But Loving Your Brother is More Important Than Having Right Opinions

To take the political example: In this election, it may be difficult to discern what vote will glorify God. But it is not difficult to discern how you should treat fellow believers who vote differently! Romans 14:3 and 10 both tell us: We are not to despise, look down upon, regard with contempt, pass judgment on, condemn, or criticize such people.

Understand: If you are fully convinced in your own mind that the course of action you choose is most to the glory of God, you will think that these other believers have made the wrong choice. You will have a strong conviction that they are in the wrong.

When – not if! – you think that, don’t look down on them. Don’t pass judgment on them.

By all means, you can have a discussion. You can point out how you arrived at your decision, bringing out biblical principles and texts. But when you do so, realize: Your goal should not be to make the other person agree with you. Rather, you approach the discussion like this: “Here we are, both trying to live to God’s glory. This is how I have come to my conclusion. Perhaps that will be helpful as you wrestle with these issues. If you’ve come to a different conclusion, I would like to hear your reasoning.”

That’s the loving attitude. We should avoid having theoretical discussions that end up with each tribe saying to the other, “No Christian should do what you are doing!” Instead, we want to help one another in a loving way to think through decisions we must make on important issues.

Principle 5. Your Primary Responsibility to Others: Be a Conduit of God’s Grace

Paul says in this text: “Let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14:19). Ephesians 4:29 elaborates on that idea: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

This should be our goal in every interaction with those in Christ: For God’s grace to flow through us to them, so that they are built up in Him. That is love.

Consider these four corollaries based on this fifth principle:

Corollary 1: So Welcome One Another As Christ Welcomed You

Paul says this explicitly in Romans 15:7: “Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”

How did Christ welcome you?

He did not welcome you because you agreed with Him. Nor because you obeyed Him. Nor because there was anything attractive in you. He welcomed you in your rebellion, in your ignorance, in your arrogance.

Just so, welcome one another.

Corollary 2: Love One Another as Christ Loves You

Love your brothers and sisters in Christ:

• Love those who home school, and think all Christians should do the same; love those who send their kids to public school, and think all Christians should do the same; love those who send their kids to private school, and think all Christians should do the same.
• Love those who never go out in public without a mask, and those who never wear a mask.
• Love those who think all Christians should vote for Biden, or for Trump, or for neither.
• Love those who think Calvinism is the Gospel, those who think Calvinism is antithetical to the Gospel.
• Love those who think the BLM organization is a dangerous threat to this country, and thus no Christian should even use the phrase, and love those who think BLM is the best available corrective to injustices in our society.

Love those who disagree with you!

Indeed, a key question to consider is: What type of person is the hardest for me to love? Then focus on loving someone of that type.

Consider these wise words from John Newton. He writes about doctrinal debates, but his advice applies to differences among genuine believers on any important issue:

If you account [the one who disagrees with you] a believer, though greatly mistaken in the subject of debate between you, the words of David to Joab concerning Absalom, are very applicable: “Deal gently with him for my sake.” The Lord loves him and bears with him; therefore you must not despise him, or treat him harshly. The Lord bears with you likewise, and expects that you should show tenderness to others, from a sense of the much forgiveness you need yourself. In a little while you will meet in heaven; he will then be dearer to you than the nearest friend you have upon earth is to you now. Anticipate that period in your thoughts; and though you may find it necessary to oppose his errors, view him personally as a kindred soul, with whom you are to be happy in Christ forever.

Corollary 3: Keep Your Eyes on the Goal!

Paul states the goal in Romans 15:5-6: “May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Thus the goal is not to have others share your convictions – even when you’ve spent hours in reading, in prayer, and in thought wrestling through the issue. Rather, the goal is the supernatural harmony that God forges across our differences. We are to help one another to persevere in the faith – and our interactions on matters of disagreement must work to that end.

Corollary 4: Always Display the Gospel!

When we force others to conform to particular views on these areas of disagreement, we effectively communicate to the world around us that agreement on these issues is what makes someone a Christian. We must never give that impression. Rather, we must show through our words, actions, and attitudes that faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the only way to come into God’s church. Realize that many of our disagreements result because we have been saved by faith alone.

May we live out these principles – and thus, in the midst of disagreements about numerous important issues, glorify God by displaying the supernatural unity in Jesus that transcends all these differences.