[On the April 26 edition of the “Life and Books and Everything” podcast, Kevin DeYoung conducts a wide-ranging interview with Westminster Seminary professor Jonathan Gibson – author of several books, including Be Thou My Vision (which I recommended recently) and an excellent children’s book, The Moon is Always Round. DeYoung prompts Gibson to tell of the personal tragedy that led to the writing of this book. This excerpt begins 41 minutes into the podcast – Coty]

When Ben was about three, we were living in Cambridge [England]…. He loved to look up at the moon at night. So we would always hold him up at the window and look for the moon and say, “What shape is the moon, Ben?” He’d say it’s a crescent moon, half moon, three-quarter moon. Then I’d say, “What shape is the moon always?” And he would say, “The moon is always round.” I told him to say that. And then I’d say, “What does that mean?” And he would say, “God is always good.”… Even when you can’t see the whole of the moon, the moon is always round; even when you can’t understand all of God’s goodness in a certain situation in life, God is always good.

But little did I know that six months later it would be quite providential….  We were expecting our daughter, Leila, and she was due on the Lord’s Day, 20 March 2016. But on the Lord’s Day 13 March, … she departed this earth…. We woke up and Jackie said there’s something not right, so we went to the hospital and had the scan and confirmed that there was no heartbeat…. Our world fell apart…. We had always heard of these situations of … late-term … still birth, but … all of a sudden were thrust into it. Leila was still born four days later on St Patrick’s day, 17 March.…

We brought Ben to the hospital to meet her. We spent the afternoon with her and I drove him home that night…. In the car out of nowhere – he’s three and a half – he says to me from the back seat, “Daddy, will Mommy ever grow a baby that wakes up?” See, he had held Leila – he saw that she was just very still, eyes closed. I said, “Ben, I don’t know, but let’s pray that she does.” And then he said, “Why isn’t Leila coming home?” And I said, “Well, because Jesus called her name and she went to Him.” And he said, “After she’s been with Jesus for a few days, will she come to us?” And I said, “No, Ben, when you’re with Jesus you don’t want to go anywhere else.” And then he said, “Does she not like us?” And I said, “No, she does like us, she just likes Jesus more…. We’re going to have to go to them one day. She’s not coming back to us.”… And Ben said, “Daddy, why isn’t she coming home?”… I said, “Ben, I don’t really know why, but … you remember the moon? What shape is the moon, Ben?” And he said, “The moon is always round.” And I said, “What does that mean?” He said, “God is always good.” And I said, “Tonight, Ben, it’s hard to see the moon at all really, but we’ve got to remember that God is good and He has His reason why Leila’s gone to heaven.”…

It was actually quite a joyful day to meet Leila – nine months expectation. To meet her, to hold her…. We could see God’s goodness and giving us a daughter. We got to meet her, name her. But then there was this other half of the moon I couldn’t see…. I couldn’t believe the profound conversation I’d had with Ben in the car…. I just decided to start writing this kid’s story…. So hence was born the book The Moon is Always Round….

At her funeral, … Ian Hamilton had this throwaway line where he said Leila’s was a glorious testimony. She pointed us all to God, she pointed us all to another world. And then he … said, “Leila the evangelist.” That’s what we call her. We hear quite often throughout the year letters, emails from people who have been blessed by that book who’ve sadly had similar experiences, and we just always think Leila the evangelist, she being dead yet speaks….

They did an autopsy afterwards and found nothing wrong with her. Fifty percent of stillbirths are a mystery to the medical profession….

So good has come out of it. The moon is always round. The Lord has used our sore providence to minister to others. We still miss her greatly. We just had our sixth anniversary of her not being with us….

Each person’s valley is their valley and I think that’s what people need to respect and be aware of…. With a still birth you get to meet them, you get to hold them, you get to see who they look like. You carry their little body in a white coffin into church, you put that body in a grave. In that sense it gives them great dignity…. On my books … it says I have four children, and Leila’s one of those four…. One of the great pains for a parent is we all love to talk about our children, we love to put photos up of them on Twitter, Facebook, email them to people. But nobody gets to see your stillborn child, and that’s a great sadness…. You think I’ve only got three children. I have four children. I held my daughter.

Doug Kelly wrote to me whenever Leila died. He had a still birth, a sixth child, and he wrote to me, “You have just been given the strange stewardship of a quiet grief.” I’ve never forgotten that line. I have friends at seminary here, … and their daughter is six years old and I’ll often look at their girl and I’ll think, wow, Leila would be running around with her…. But she’s not here. So it’s this hidden grief that’s very hard to articulate at times, but it’s very real. And the encouragement I give to people is: If you know someone who’s lost a stillborn child, ask them their name…. Just to ask them their name and use their name in conversation if you’re talking about the child. Don’t just talk about the baby they lost or we’re sorry for your loss… Say, “We’re sorry Leila died.” … Be personal and talk about them like they’re actually a real person, because they are….

Look up in the sky. You can’t see the moon tonight. You see just a sliver, but it’s not any less round, it’s not any less brilliant than it always is.

[You can watch and listen to Ben – several years older – read the book at this link.]