Sin and Confession

[This Sunday in our journey through the book of Psalms we reach the prayer of confession David prayed after committing both adultery and murder. We will only briefly review on Sunday the events leading up to this confession; here are edited excerpts from a sermon preached twenty years ago from that narrative. You can read the entire sermon – preached at the height of the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal – at this link. The four principles are taken from a sermon by Gary Vanderet – Coty]

The political leader of a great nation commits adultery and murder; an accuser then stands before him and confronts him with his sin. How does that political leader react? What insights does this give us into the nature of sin? We’ll learn four key principles about sin as we follow the story in 2 Samuel 11 and 12.

One clear night King David is out on the roof of his palace, looking down on his capital. He must be feeling some sense of pride and accomplishment when he notices a movement on another, lower roof. A lantern; water splashing. David peers and sees — a woman undressing, then bathing. He notices her great beauty.

Now, David already has multiple wives; if he simply wanted to engage in sexual relations, he had several women to choose from. But I suggest this was part of the problem, not part of the solution. Instead of following God’s intention that one man should be united in marriage with one woman in a one flesh relationship, David has followed the pattern of other prosperous men in the surrounding nations, indulging his sexual appetites by bringing attractive women into his harem. Indulgence inevitably leads not to satisfaction but to more and more indulgence.

So David figures this will be one more case of the same, one more beautiful woman for the harem. He inquires about her — but doesn’t get the answer he wants. He supposes this young woman to be unmarried, but not only is she married — her husband is one of David’s most loyal men, Uriah.

David now has a choice; either to commit adultery, explicitly breaking one of the Ten Commandments, and cuckolding one of his best friends — or to control himself. David chooses adultery.

Think about this: God uses David as a type of Christ, a foreshadowing of Jesus; God has called him a man after His own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). David himself has written “I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart” (Psalm 40:8). Yet David violates that very law, explicitly, knowingly. Why?

Here we come to our first principle: Sin always deceives. Sin always promises something it cannot deliver. When we hear such promises, we are tempted to give in, to accept the deception and justify our actions. David must have done that; he knows he is doing wrong, but he tries to justify himself, perhaps by saying

  • “It’s only one night — I can go back to delighting in God’s law tomorrow;” or,
  • “She’s willing — we’re just consenting adults;” or,
  • “No one is hurt by this; Uriah will never know; indeed, no one will ever know;” or,
  • “Think of all I’ve done for this country; surely I deserve this one little fling!”

Have you ever heard such temptations? Satan is the deceiver, a liar and the father of lies, and he uses similar lies with all of us. Satan presents sin to us as the way to life, the way to enjoyment, the way to fulfillment — when really it is the way to death and destruction. Satan persuades us that engaging in sin will fulfill our desires, when sin gives satisfaction only to our least important desires, and that only briefly, leaving us dying for true love, for true joy, and for true peace. Sin always deceives.

David and Bathsheba have their fling, and she returns home. Weeks pass. David doesn’t see her again, and figures it is all over. Then one day he receives a message: “David, I’m pregnant.” Now, Uriah has been away from Jerusalem for months; when Bathsheba’s belly starts to grow, her adultery will be evident to all. According to the law, she should then be stoned — along with her accomplice (Leviticus 20:10).

David tries to think quick: “Let’s see, this many weeks have passed. It’s not too unusual for children to be born several weeks early. If I can just get Uriah home, he and Bathsheba will have sexual relations. Surely no one will raise questions then.”

So David has Joab send Uriah home. He and David discuss the war; then David encourages him to go home. But Uriah does not do so, telling David the next day,

“The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my master Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open fields. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!” (2 Samuel 11:11)

Uriah’s statement must have cut David to the quick. Uriah has not seen his wife for months, but will not even visit her. What a contrast to David, who should have been out in the field with the army, but instead chose to indulge his sensual appetites — and to do that not with his own wives, but with the wife of this most loyal subordinate.

David proceeds to get him drunk that evening, hoping that this will overcome his loyalty, and that he will then sleep with Bathsheba. But even a drunk Uriah shows considerably more restraint that a sober David; Uriah does not go home. He sleeps on a mat at the palace with David’s servants.

So David has to come up with Plan B, and a monstrous plan it is. He writes a letter instructing Joab, the commander, to put Uriah in the front lines and then have the other soldiers abandon him. And then David has Uriah carry instructions for his own execution — because he trusts him! He knows this loyal servant will never think of opening the letter. This is murder, plain and simple.

Joab is more crafty than David, and manages to have Uriah killed without causing soldiers to ask questions. But the deed is done.

So what started as a one night stand, as a consensual relationship between two people, has led to destruction and death. And the destruction and death are far from over, as we will see. This is our second principle: Sin always destroys. Sin destroys our relationships to man and God, sin destroys what is best in us, sin destroys whatever we love most.

Don’t listen to anyone who tries to tell you that there is a sin that hurts no one. Sin always destroys.

Bathsheba mourns for her husband, and then moves into the palace as David’s wife. She grows great with child — and everyone in the palace is able to count. Everyone knows that Uriah had come home but never saw his wife. So at least the palace insiders know exactly what happened. Behind the king’s back, people are talking. But David pretends that this is a natural occurrence, that he is doing his old friend a favor by taking care of his widow. Bathsheba gives birth to a healthy boy — and to David all seems well. It looks like he has gotten away with adultery and murder.

However, “the thing David had done displeased the LORD.” (2 Samuel 11:27)

God acts by sending the prophet Nathan to David. He tells the king a story about a rich man who stole a pet lamb from a neighbor to prepare a meal for a guest. David is incensed, saying “As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die!” (2 Samuel 12:5). Nathan replies, “You are the man!” He continues speaking God’s words to David:

“I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes?” (2 Samuel 12:7b-9a)

David thought all was covered up; he pretended that no one knew. Well, other people did know, but more importantly, God knew. God always knows.

This is our third principle: Sin is always discovered. In the long run, there are no secret sins. As Jesus Himself states, “There is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. (Luke 12:2)

Satan tempts us to believe that no one will ever know, that we can hide our sin; Satan is so effective in this that many of us are lying to ourselves, thinking that our sins are known only to us, thinking that we have succeeded in covering our tracks. But God sees all; everything is laid bare before his eyes; God will not be mocked. Sin is always discovered.

What is David’s reaction? Does he try to justify himself? Does he attack his accuser? Does he argue that Nathan shouldn’t have brought up the matter, saying, “This is private, and none of your business. Leave me alone! Let me deal with this among my wives and children!” No. David confesses simply, “I have sinned against the LORD.”

No excuses. No attempt to mitigate the seriousness of the sin. So Nathan replies immediately, “The Lord has taken away your sin.” This is our fourth principle: Confessed sin is always forgiven.

What is the nature of true confession? We can identify three characteristics from Psalm 51, David’s song of repentance, written on this occasion:

 (1) True confession addresses all those affected by the sin.

This was not a private matter between David and Bathsheba, or David and Uriah’s relatives. The king sinned, and all Israel suffered. So David must confess before all Israel.

(2) True confession admits that punishment is justified

We must be broken and contrite when we come before God and those we have sinned against; we must not downplay our sin or blame the other person, but admit that we deserve judgment.

(3) True confession depends on God’s mercy alone.

David calls out for God to act in accordance with his unfailing love, in accordance with his great mercy. He calls out to God to cleanse him, to wash him, and then — since the external washing is not sufficient — to change his very heart, to create a new heart within him.

David deserved death for his sin, both the ending of his life on earth and eternal separation from God. God forgave him; those of us who are saved will join David in praising God eternally, and David did not die on earth in punishment for adultery and murder.

But note that there were other temporal consequences of David’s sin. The judgment that Nathan states prior to David’s confession still holds. Israel and, in particular, David’s family suffer immensely from this sin. And Uriah remains dead. Forgiveness does not imply the absence of temporal consequences for sin. But, praise God, when we come to God with broken and contrite hearts, when we call out to God pleading for His mercy, when we depend only on the shed blood of Jesus to cover all our sins, God never turns his ear away. God always listens. Confessed sin is always forgiven.

So examine your own heart. Paul tells us, “If you think you are standing firm, take care that you don’t fall.” What sin are you knowingly engaged in? Are you loving the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your strength, and all your mind? Are you loving your neighbor as yourself?

My dear friends, sin always deceives. Sin always destroys. Sin is always discovered. Let us take the occasion of great sins by a great man to ask God with David:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

When He shows you the sin in your heart, confess it — and then know the joy of living a life blameless before Him. Confessed sin — Praise God! — is always forgiven, by the blood of Jesus.

 

 

The Grace to Forgive, the Grace to be Made Holy

Someone sins against you terribly. You have a choice: Do you forgive or not?

At one level, the biblical answer is easy: Of course you forgive. When Peter asks Jesus if he should forgive the repetitious sin of his brother seven times, Jesus replies, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22). If someone hits you on the right cheek, you are to turn the other to him also (Matthew 5:39).

These and other Scriptures emphasize that we are not to take personal offense. We are not to become bitter. We are not to hold grudges. We are to forgive one another from the heart. Indeed, we are to put the interests of the other above our own.

Yet that last statement can lead to questions about how we respond to sin against us. If we really have the interests of our sinning brother or sister at heart, we want them to cease from this sin. Surely that is in their interests. If our attitude towards their sin enables further sin, aren’t we harming our brother or sister by that attitude?

Consider a common example, in biblical times as well as in our own: A spouse commits adultery. Is forgiveness the right response? Or does forgiveness enable further sin – “My spouse will always forgive me, so I might as well continue to fulfill my desires”?

In this case, we have a specific example in the book of Hosea. And the answer is rather complex.

God tells Hosea to marry Gomer, a promiscuous woman who will continue having affairs after their marriage. This violation of the marriage covenant pictures God’s people violating their covenant with Him.

Gomer’s adulteries eventually lead her to being sold in the slave market. Yet God tells Hosea once again:

“Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods.”…  So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver…. And I said to her, “You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you.” (From Hosea 3:1-3).

At God’s command, Hosea shows his wife great grace – buying the one who is already his, paying the price for her! This is tremendous forgiveness.

But this is not a license for her to continue in sin. Hosea is explicit: Their future relationship must be made pure; the adultery must cease. He must not respond to her sin by paying her back with his own affair; she must never return to that unfaithful life.

Just so with God and the people of Israel. God disciplines His unfaithful people (Hosea 2:5-13), eventually even destroying their country and sending them into exile. Yet all this is for redemptive purposes: He allures her, He speaks tenderly to her (Hosea 2:14), He purifies her now and forever:

I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD. (Hosea 2:19-20)

So Hosea exemplifies not only God’s forgiving love, but also His cleansing, sanctifying love. The restoration of the relationship is not an invitation to further sin; it does not enable further sin; rather, it is the opportunity for the relationship to become what God always intended marriage to be: An exclusive one-flesh relationship that in love, in grace, in mercy, and in holiness pictures His relationship with His people.

And this is what we find as part of the Bride of Christ: If we see God’s forgiveness in Christ as a license to sin without consequences, we are sorely wrong. We dishonor God. We trample on the blood of Christ (Hebrews 10:26-29). Indeed, if we persist in that attitude, we will receive no forgiveness. God does not forgive us so that we might continue in sin.

Rather, we are like Gomer: God forgives us so that we, His Bride, guilty of being adulteresses in the past, might return and seek Him, and so recognize and come to His goodness, thereby living to the praise of His glorious grace.

If that’s the relationship between God and His people – if that’s the reality behind every marriage, indeed, behind every marriage stained by adultery – how can we live out these truths, how can we picture these realities when we are sinned against?

These Scriptures lead to four clear principles – even though the outworking of the principles in specific cases is challenging:

First: Offer complete personal forgiveness. This does not downplay the severity of the sin against you; rather, this magnifies the extent of your much greater sin against God, for which He has forgiven you in Christ (Matthew 18:21-35).

Second: The sin should not remain secret, only known to the two of you. The adulteries of Gomer, the spiritual adultery of the people of Israel, are made public. How many people should know about this sin will vary from case to case. If the couple is part of a grace-oriented church that effectively practices church discipline, discussing the sin before the church body can be an important part of the healing process. But in every case, bring in wise Christians who are biblically sound and desire both your good and the glory of God – even if, especially if, the erring spouse does not want that to happen. Covering up the sin may seem to be good for the sinner, but it is that very cover-up that enables and makes more likely future sin. And that is the worst that can happen to the sinner.

Third: Work to restore unity and trust. Both have been violated terribly. Yet God has made the two one, even though we have worked to destroy that unity. Nevertheless, what God has joined together, man must not separate (Matthew 19:6). The restoration of unity and trust will take time; a period of physical separation may be part of the process of restoration. Once again, including others at this stage is necessary. Form a plan on how to go forward together with a wise Christian couple, and build in accountability for both spouses to that plan.

Finally: Christ perfects His Bride, making her holy (Ephesians 5:25-27). We see one way that happens in Hosea 2:14, where God says to His unfaithful Bride: “I will allure her … and speak tenderly to her.” Love the errant spouse. Woo him or her. Not in a grasping, needy sense – “I can’t live without you, please come back to me!” – but out of confidence in God, out of trust in His sovereign kindness, knowing you are forgiven such great sin, and knowing that He can take a heart of stone and turn it into a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26), He can grant repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth and escape from the trap of the devil (2 Timothy 2:25-26). Love – and pray for God to act.

By God’s grace, your errant spouse – and anyone who sins terribly against you – can be a living example of God’s forgiving, redeeming, perfecting love. You can be His agent in bringing that about. The pain is real. The sin is great. Justice must be done. But if you are in Christ, justice was implemented at the cross; you are forgiven a much greater sin. So forgive from the heart. And may God be pleased to work through you and other Christians to glorify His Name even through such a terrible sin.

When Others Sin, I . . .

How do you react when others sin?

This week we once again have been barraged with revelations of the sexual sins of a major public figure, Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina. We thus have the opportunity to examine ourselves, to see if we are reacting rightly or wrongly to such revelations.

Here are some common reactions, with some words of evaluation about each one:

  • When others sin, I find out all I can about it. All sorts of unnecessary information is available on Governor Sanford’s sin. Some mainstream newspapers read more like supermarket tabloids than serious journalism. A natural human reaction is to soak this up, to titillate our prurient desires by searching out the details of these illicit liaisons. Don’t do it. Such information does not make you love Jesus more, does not make you a better witness for Him, does not protect you from future sin, and does not make you a better citizen. The outline of the infidelity, and the possibility of misuse of state funds, is all we need to know.
  • When others sin, I delight in relating the details to others. Paul writes, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). When you gossip, your speech is tearing down at least three people: yourself, the person you’re talking to, and the person you’re talking about. Don’t gossip.
  • When others sin, I look for something to admire in those hurt by the sin. We all need examples. When public leaders sin, we often are let down by those we admired. Oftentimes, however, someone around the sinner acts in an exemplary manner. In such cases, our focus should move from the sinner to the example – so that we, and those we speak with, can indeed be built up. In this case, I commend to you Jenny Sanford’s public letter. In an incredibly difficult situation, she seems to be acting with grace and wisdom.
  • When others sin, I think, “What an idiot! I would never do something like that!” The Bible is clear: Anyone who engages in adultery or fornication is a fool, ultimately destroying pleasure, not gaining pleasure. Proverbs 6:32 says, “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself” (see my sermon on this passage). So the first part of the statement is correct.

But Paul writes, “If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:12). That is, be careful that you don’t fall into a similar sin – in this case, sins such as adultery, fornication, lust, or viewing pornography – and be careful that you don’t fall into the sin of pride, thinking more highly of yourself than you ought (Romans 12:3). Is your life free from sexual sin? If the answer is no, use the occasion of this man’s sin to confront your own: Seek forgiveness from God and from those you have wronged, seek counsel and accountability so that you might fight this sin in the future. If the answer is yes – if your sexual life and thoughts have been pure – use the occasion of this man’s sin to remind yourself of the dead end of this sin, and to strengthen your resolve and your methods of dealing with temptation in this area. And then cultivate the next response:

  • When others sin, I confess that sin as if it were mine. If you have not committed such a sin, what has prevented you from doing so? Friend, it is certainly not your inherent goodness, your superior moral sense, or your high degree of self-control. Every one of us is guilty before God of sins so terrible that they demand a judgment of “Condemned!” (Ephesians 2:1-3). If I am free of a particular sin, God must have prevented me from committing that sin. Hear what John Donne writes:

O Lord, pardon me, me, all those sins which thy Son Christ Jesus suffered for, who suffered for all the sins of all the world; for there is no sin amongst all those which had not been my sin, if thou hadst not been my God, and antedated me a pardon in thy preventing grace.

If I have not committed any particular sin, God has, in effect, pardoned me ahead of time for that sin by extending His grace beforehand, protecting me from the sin. So the praise and honor go to Him. Sins of others thus should lead to greater humility on our part, not pride.

  • When others sin, I ask God to search my heart. My friends, sin always deceives. Sin always destroys. Sin is always discovered. So may we take the occasion of great sins by great men to ask God with David: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! (Psalm 139:23-24). When He shows you the sin in your heart, confess it — and know the joy of living a life blameless before Him. Confessed sin – Praise God! — is always forgiven, by the blood of Jesus.

(For more on this topic, see this sermon I preached 11 years ago at the height of the Clinton/Lewinsky imbroglio. The last lines of this devotion are taken from that sermon).