The Currency of Giving and Receiving

Jesus says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).

What does He mean by that?

How does He exemplify that?

Consider what He says to His disciples in Mark 10:29-30. Jesus has just told the rich young ruler to sell all he has, to give the proceeds to the poor, to have riches in heaven, and to come and follow Him. The ruler instead walks away. Peter, astounded that poor fishermen are more obedient than this rich man, has just said, “We have left everything and followed you.”

Jesus replies:

Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel,  who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life (Mark 10:29-30).

What does He mean?

There are those who say, “Just read it to see what it means: ‘100 times more in this life.’ So if you give $1000, you will get $100,000.” Then, when you give the $1000 and don’t receive the $100,000, they will suppose that there is some sin in your life, or some lack of faith, that keeps God from fulfilling His promise.

But we only have to look at these disciples listening to Jesus to know He could not have meant, “Give in one currency and you will be sure to receive a hundred times more in the same currency.” James, for example, gave up all to follow Jesus, as Peter just said. But one of the Herods kills James (Acts 12:2). He never received a hundred times more goods than he gave up.

So:

  • When I give, what am I giving?
  • When I receive, what am I receiving?
  • Why is giving so blessed?

2 Corinthians 8 and 9 is very helpful on this point. We’ll see that when we give, we are not primarily giving money.  When we receive, we are not primarily receiving money.

Indeed, this mistaken conception of giving as primarily concerning money or material goods distorts much of our thinking. For we tend to think that the person who has an excess of money is the person who is able to give the most. He’s not losing much proportionately. He doesn’t have to give up much else in order to give to others. That is, the opportunity cost of giving is lower for him. So such a person can give with joy. But if I’m just barely paying my bills, I can’t give much of anything – I have nothing to spare! It would be too costly for me to give. So I can’t give with joy.

That view is not Scriptural view at all. Of the many errors in those thoughts, we’ll highlight one today: It misunderstands the currency of giving and receiving.

About fifteen years ago I was in the Philippines on a business trip.  This was when ATMs first became available for foreign transactions in southeast Asia. I inserted my card, and magically Philippine pesos came out. The machine then gave me the option of checking my balance.  Curious to see how much Beth had spent in my absence, I punched the button.  The machine gave the balance: about 200,000.

Startled, I wondered: Where did all this money come from?  I even checked the account number to see if perchance the ATM had linked me to the wrong account.  After seeing that it was indeed my own account, I finally realized that the machine was giving me my balance not in terms of US dollars but in terms of Philippine pesos.  And at the time, the exchange rate of pesos to dollars was about 40-1, which made the balance of the account not $200,000 but $5,000; about what I had expected.

If you’re checking your bank balance, you need to know the currency of the balance. Just so: In every biblical passage that concerns giving and receiving, you need to know the currency the author is speaking of. Indeed, even within one verse, sometimes different currencies are used.

With that in mind, let’s turn our attention to 2 Corinthians 8. Recall that at this time, the church in Jerusalem was quite poor, partly as a result of persecution, and partly as a result of a famine and economic downturn in the region. So in general, the new Christians in Greece and in what is now Turkey were better off financially than the believers in Jerusalem. So the Apostle Paul arranges to collect money from these new, Gentile believers for the Jerusalem church. He mentions this collection in 1 Corinthians 16, asking them to set aside money on the first of every week. Evidently that collection started well but then slowed down. Here in 2 Corinthians 8 and 9 he asks the church to complete “this grace.” His wider discussion is invaluable for understanding true Christian giving.

True Christian Giving: Four Observations

Let’s read the passage in a literal, rather wooden translation, which I hope will help you to follow Paul’s argument. I’ve used English words with the same root when Paul uses Greek words with the same root. Note also that I’ve translated a Greek word you may know, koinonia, as “partnership.” Because verse 8 is something of a parenthesis, I’ve left it out here:

We make known to you, brothers, the grace of God given in the churches of Macedonia, for in the midst of a great testing of affliction, the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded unto the riches of their sincere concern. For according to their power and, I bear witness, beyond their power of their own accord with strong appeal they begged us for the grace and partnership of ministry to the saints. And they went beyond what we had even hoped: They gave themselves first to the Lord and to us by the will of God. So we appealed to Titus, that just as he started, just so he might complete this grace among you. But just as you abound in all things – in faith and in word and in knowledge and in all diligence and in our love for you – abound in this grace also. . . . For you know the grace of our lord Jesus, that for you he became poor, being rich, in order that you by his poverty might become rich.

For our purposes, the biggest difference with common English translations is found in verse 9. Virtually all English translations render this, “Though he was rich, he became poor for you.” The Greek has no word for “though,” instead just using a participle, as rendered above: “being rich, he became poor.” We’ll consider below the common translation, “though he was rich,” and suggest an alternative, which is equally possible grammatically, “Because He was rich.”

But first, four observations on true Christian giving from verses 1 to 7:

1) What is the first gift Paul mentions?

Not the gift the Macedonians give to the church in Jerusalem. Instead, the grace given by God to the Macedonians. They received grace from God  and then they gave. After verse 1, Paul repeats the word “grace” in verses 3, 6, 7, and 9. Look at verse 7. What does Paul want the Corinthians to excel in? “This grace.” (Note that the words “act of” are added by the ESV, and the words “of giving” are added by the NIV).

So the first observation: True Christian giving results from grace given by God. True Christian giving is the result of God working in us – not the result of pressure tactics, of emotional appeals, or of making people feel guilty.

2) Did the Macedonians give out of their abundance?

Be careful here! The answer is both yes and no.

In financial terms, they gave out of their poverty, not out of their abundance. They did not have an excess, and then decide to give that extra since they didn’t need it. Paul even says they gave out of their “extreme poverty.”

But they did give out of an abundance – an abundance of what? Verse 2: An abundance of joy! Their identity was in God, their security was in God, their joy was in God – and so they gave generously of their meager resources.  So the second observation: True Christian giving results from the overflow of joy in God.

3) What overflowed from this abundance?

Be careful again. Look at verse 2. Paul does not say, “Their abundance of joy overflowed with their giving lots of money.” Verse 3 implies they gave more money than Paul ever thought possible. But his main point is not the amount of money. What did overflow? In the ESV: “A wealth of generosity.” Two months ago we looked in detail at the meaning of the word the ESV translates “generosity,” and saw that it has rather different connotations from the English word. If a billionaire gave $100,000 to DGCC, that would certainly be a generous act according to the definition of the English word. But we would have to discern the inner motivation for the gift in order to apply the Greek word to the act. We saw that the Greek word here means, “sincere concern, with no ulterior motives.” The word is thus related to love. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:3:

If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

So the third observation: True Christian giving is motivated by sincere concern, by love. We are not giving in order to get out of an awkward situation; we are not giving in order to get our names on a building or to impress others. We are motivated by sincere concern.

4) What did the Macedonians give first? Again, the answer is not “money.” Verse 5: The gave themselves first. They gave up their own selfish, individualistic goals. They offered their bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God. They were transformed through the renewing of their minds. Thus, their identity, security, and joy were in God and in His work. They were so completely devoted to Him, that they begged Paul for the privilege of being a part of God’s work.

So four key principles:

  • True Christian giving is a grace of God.
  • True Christian giving results from the overflow of joy in God.
  • True Christian giving is motivated by love, by sincere concern.
  • True Christian giving begins by giving yourself to God.

Again and again Paul goes out of his way to emphasize he is not primarily talking about money.

There are other currencies of giving and receiving here, other interactions between believers and other believers, between believers and God.

Jesus’ Example of Giving

Now let’s walk through verse 9 more slowly to understand what Paul says here. We’ll do this in four steps:

1) How does verse 9 support Paul’s command in verse 7?

Verse 9 begins with the word “for,” indicating Paul is supporting an earlier statement – the command that concludes verse 7, “Abound in this grace also.” However we interpret verse 9, it has to answer the question: Why should the Corinthians abound in this grace?

2) Jesus’s poverty

Paul says that we become rich through Jesus’ poverty. What aspect of Jesus’ poverty makes us rich?

Not His material poverty. He was poor materially – but we don’t have riches because He owned very little. Rather, we benefit because He humbled Himself – He became man, He was mocked and beaten, He was crucified dead and buried. That aspect of Jesus’ poverty makes us rich.

3) Our riches

What kind of riches does Jesus gain for us?

There is a sense in which we gain material riches; the New Testament calls us heirs of the world! But the emphasis in the New Testament is never on those material riches. Yes, the streets of the New Jerusalem are said to be paved with gold – but who ever pays attention to the pavement, as long as it supports you? What is central in the New Jerusalem is God dwelling with His people in their midst.

So the riches Jesus gains for us are relational riches – the riches of being adopted into His family, of being His beloved children. Even when we think of ourselves as heirs, the emphasis is not on, “Oh, boy, I’m an heir – think of all the material goods I will inherit!” but rather, “I am so loved by Him that He provides an abundance of all things for my good.”

And there is more: We have the relational riches of being God’s children, and the relational riches of being united with all those in the body of Christ. He has broken down the “dividing wall of hostility.” He has made one those from every tribe and tongue and people and nation.

We saw this in microcosm last night as we said goodbye to our friends Sunil and Jerlin. There were close to fifty people present, from seven different countries; fewer than one-third of us were white Americans. And, as all present will attest, there was real relational richness in that room.

So now let’s take what we’ve learned, and apply these lessons to verse 9, substituting these ideas into the verse:

For you know the grace of our lord Jesus Christ, that for you he became poor – in becoming man, suffering, dying on cross . . . in order that you by his poverty might become rich relationally: that is, so that you might be adopted into God’s family, so that He might be Abba, Father to you, so that you might be His heir, so that you might have relational riches with others as part of His body.

That seems to make sense. We seem to be on the right track.

There’s one more point we need to investigate to fill out the verse.

4) The link between Jesus’ riches and His poverty

In what sense is Jesus rich?

Of course, all things are His!

But what means most to him? What constitutes His true riches?

Surely the primary answer is: His relationship with the Father.  And the secondary answer is: His relationship with His Bride, the church.

That is, Jesus’ riches are in the same currency as ours: Relational riches with God the Father, and relational riches with His people.

So what is the link between Jesus’ riches and His poverty? That is, what is verse 9 saying?

Let’s consider the traditional translation of the verse. That is, for “being rich” substitute “though He was rich.” But then substitute what we’ve seen about Jesus’ riches and poverty: His riches are relational, and His poverty is becoming man and dying on the cross:

Though Jesus was loved by His Father, he humbled himself and died on the cross, so that we by that act might be loved by the Father.

That doesn’t make any sense. “Though” is not an appropriate way to understand the participle when you substitute what type of riches Jesus has, and what type of poverty makes us rich.

“Though” makes sense if His riches and poverty are in the same currency, since we don’t expect a rich man to give away all his money and become poor. But when we see that Jesus’ riches and poverty in this verse must be in different currencies, the translation “though” makes no sense.

Furthermore, “though” makes no sense as an explanation for why the Corinthians should strive to “abound in this grace” (verse 7).

But now think of the command at the end of verse 7 together with verse 9. And let’s substitute “because” for “though. ”

We’ll do this in two stages. First, let’s just add the idea of different currencies:

Abound in this grace also. . . .  For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that for you he became poor [in one currency] because he was rich [in another currency], so that you by his poverty might become rich [in that same currency].

Now that makes  sense. Paul tells the Corinthians to abound in the grace that is so clearly manifest among the Macedonians, the same grace that we see manifest in the Lord Jesus Christ.

So now let’s replace simply the idea of different currencies with the currencies of Jesus’ riches and poverty that we’ve already identified. Paul tells the Corinthians:

Abound in this grace also. . . . For you know the grace of our lord Jesus, that because He was loved by the Father, he became man and died on the cross for you, so that you thereby might be loved by the Father.

So do you see how verse 9 supports Paul’s command? Paul is saying: “Be like Jesus! Be full of grace! Show sincere concern!”

That is: Know who you are in Christ! Know you have all joy in Him. United with Him, you are rich relationally, so give yourselves first completely to God, and then give of yourselves out of sincere concern for others. Give like Jesus – knowing that even if you give away all you have, even if you give up all your time, even if you give up all your emotional energy, you always have the Father, you are always His child, you are always in his intimate family.

Lessons for True Christian Giving

Clearly Paul’s main point to the Corinthians and to us is not, “Give more money” or “give more time.” We may need to end up doing so. But that’s not his main point.

We’ve already noted the four observations from verses 1 to 7:

  • True Christian giving is a grace of God.
  • True Christian giving results from the overflow of joy in God.
  • True Christian giving is motivated by love, by sincere concern.
  • True Christian giving begins by giving yourself to God.

What lessons can we draw particularly from verse 9?

True Christian giving results from our taking on the character of Christ.

True Christian giving is one aspect of becoming Christlike. Like Jesus, we are to have such confidence in our identity in Christ, in our security in Him, we are to have so much joy in Him, God’s surpassing grace is to be so manifest in our lives, that we love, we have sincere concern, and so we give.

True Christian giving is not an obligation you have to an institution. It is not a requirement laid on you to maintain membership in an organization. It is not primarily a budgeting decision.

Rather, as Romans 8:29 says, if you are in Christ God predestined you to be conformed to the image of His Son.

True Christian giving is a result of that work – the result of a life transformed by God, a life conformed to the image of Christ, so that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.

Thus, clearly true Christian giving concerns not only money, not even primarily money, but love.

Conclusion

Jesus says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

And He says:

No one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, . . . will not receive a hundredfold now in this time.

What then is the currency of giving?

On the surface, giving may be in the currencies of money, of goods, or of time.

But underneath, true Christian giving is always in the currency of grace, of love.

What then is the currency of our receiving?

No, we don’t give $1000 and have a guarantee that we will then receive $100,000. Instead, we receive something much more valuable than $100,000 – we receive returns in a much more valuable currency.

We receive joy. When we give material goods, we receive at least 100 times more joy than we would have received by selfishly holding on to those goods. We receive love. We receive relational riches. We receive our identity in Christ.

This is the Gospel, my friends. We had none of that. We rebelled against our Creator, and, separated from Him, we were strangers to all true joy. But Jesus – because He was rich relationally with His Father – became poor. That is, He humbled Himself, He submitted to mocking, scourging, and crucifixion. He died, taking on Himself the penalty you and I deserve, so that you by that poverty might become rich. You, by His work on the cross, might become what God created you to be: Filled with His joy. Conformed to the image of Christ. A giver of grace – like Jesus.

We’re not here to tell you, “Give more so we can build a building. Give more so we can increase our budget.”

God the Father offers you relational riches and joy beyond imagining through Jesus. Come to Him! Give yourself first to Him!

And then: Live out what He is like – to His glory and for Your joy.

 

 

How Can I Approach God?

How can I approach God?

As we saw in last Sunday’s sermon, God reveals Himself as unapproachable. Paul tells us that God “dwells in unapproachable light . . . no one . . . can see [Him]” (1 Timothy 6:16). God sets up limits around Mt Sinai for the Israelites, and more than once warns the Israelites not to touch the mountain, on pain of death.

God tells us He is holy. He is other. We cannot study Him as we would a plant, or an insect, or another human being. He is above us. He is beyond us.

And yet this same God says to the Israelites that they can be His “treasured possession” (Exodus 19:5); He calls them His “firstborn son” (Exodus 4:22). He promises through Isaiah, “With everlasting love I will have compassion on you” (Isaiah 54:8). Indeed, the author of Hebrews says that those in Christ have “confidence to enter the Most Holy Place” (Hebrews 10:19 NIV).

How can this be? How can God, on the one hand, be unapproachable, and yet, on the other hand, invite us to enter into His very presence?

Keep reading in Hebrews 10: “We have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus” (Hebrews 10:19 NIV).

Reflect on this. Don’t dismiss the idea, thinking, “Oh, of course, I’ve heard all that before.”

Let this thought seek deep into you: There is absolutely no way for you to approach God through your investigations, through your searching, through your moral choices – unless He chooses to reveal Himself to you. And He graciously has decided that there is one way He will allow those who deserve His condemnation to approach Him: Through their trusting in the death of His Son, through their uniting with His risen Christ, the Lord Jesus.

So we can approach this holy, other, unapproachable God through the one means He provides: His Son.

Some of you may be thinking, “Oh, yes, I did that years ago!”

But, my friend: Have you done that today?

God tells the Israelites to consecrate themselves before He descends on Mt Sinai and speaks to them (Exodus 19:10). What is the equivalent for us today?

Every morning as you wake and thus enter God’s presence; every Sunday before coming to worship Him publicly, live out Hebrews 10:19 by building up your confidence to enter boldly into God’s holy presence by appropriating for yourself once again the blood of Jesus.

How can we do this?

Begin by examining your heart (1 Corinthians 11:28): Pray that God would help you see if there is any grievous way in you, any hidden sin (Psalm 139:24; Psalm 19:12). Confess those sins you are aware of to Him. Pray words like these: “Father God, I am worthy of your eternal punishment. I deserve nothing from you, not even to be alive this moment. But you have showered me with your blessings, including . . . (thank Him for specific gifts). Most of all, you have opened my eyes to see the beauties of the Lord Jesus Christ, and have saved me from the punishment I deserve by His blood shed on the cross. Forgive these sins I have just confessed by that same blood; cleanse me from all unrighteousness as You promise (1 John 1:9). Amaze me once again that I have access to Your very presence through the cross. Enable me this day to worship you from the heart, to encourage others in their walk with you, spurring them on to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24-25).”

How can I approach God?

  • Not on the basis of my intelligence – His intelligence is of a completely different order of magnitude!
  • Not on the basis of my holiness – He “is light, and in Him is no darkness at all” (1 John 1:5).
  • Not on the basis of my good works, or my obedience – for even my best works are stained by improper motives, and His command is, “Be perfect, as Your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

But I can approach God as a condemned sinner desperately in need of His grace. I can approach God through faith in His Son who died for His enemies. I can – and must – approach God daily as a supplicant, asking forgiveness on the basis of Christ’s sacrifice.

And when I do, He says to me: “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”

Receive, Receive, Receive

What do you deserve? How much of what you have – family, goods, health, friends, ministry, influence – is yours by desert?

In Deuteronomy 26, God gives instructions for an offering of the firstfruits of the initial harvest after the Israelites enter the Promised Land. In addition to the offering, they are to say these words:

“A wandering Aramean was my father. And he went down into Egypt and sojourned there, few in number, and there he became a nation. . . . The Egyptians treated us harshly. . . . Then we cried to the LORD, the God of our fathers, and the LORD heard our voice and saw our affliction. . . . The LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. . . . He brought us into this place and gave us this land. . . . Now I bring the first of the fruit of the ground, which you, O LORD, have given me” (Deuteronomy 26:5-10).

Moses then says, “You shall rejoice in all the good that the LORD your God has given to you” (Deuteronomy 26:11).

Notice the God-centeredness of this statement. The Israelites are to say, “We were not even a people, yet God chose us, guided us, and watched over us. He enabled us to multiply. He rescued and redeemed us – all we did was cry out! All we have is the result of His grace!”

Now, the Israelites might be tempted to say, “We had to fight battles to get here! We defeated the Amalekites, we destroyed the armies of Sihon and Og, we defeated the forces of numerous Canaanite kings. Furthermore, we worked the ground, we harvested the crops. Of course, God has given us much – but surely because of our hard work we deserve a considerable portion of what we have!”

But that is not the biblical attitude. Paul asks the Corinthians, “What do you have that you did not receive?” (1 Corinthians 4:7). And earlier in Deuteronomy, Moses warns the Israelites against thinking they deserve what they have worked for:

Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’  You shall remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth (Deuteronomy 8:17-18, emphasis added).

“It is He who gives you the power to get . . .” Complete the sentence. Put in place of “wealth” whatever you have that you think you deserve. Your job. Your friends. Your spouse. Your children. If you have worked for and received something worthwhile, even that is a gift of God. You did not deserve the ability to work.

My friends, whatever we have, whatever we are, whatever we love – all is a gift. Everything is ours by grace. We don’t deserve goods. We don’t deserve friends. We don’t deserve abilities. We don’t deserve family. We don’t deserve breath.

Today I turn 54 years old. This lesson – that I deserve nothing, that every good in my life is a gift and is not earned – is one I have needed to learn over and over again. So often, when matters don’t go exactly as I desire, the thought arises, “Surely I deserve. . . .” So often in times of joy I will pat myself on the back for what I have.

This evening there will be birthday presents to open. Last night before small group, there was a delicious birthday dinner complete with a 54-candle birthday cake. At moments like this, it’s relatively easy to say, “I don’t deserve these presents. I don’t deserve this party. I don’t deserve this 54-candle birthday cake.”

But, Lord God, help me to look at all else and say, “Everything good in my life is a gift from the Father. Whatever is good in my character, whatever I have received in pay, whatever joy in Beth or in the children or in athletics or in this loving church – all comes to me because of the mercy and lovingkindness of God the Father through Jesus Christ.”

And may I, in this next year of my life, say with the Apostle,

By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me (1 Corinthians 15:10).

Thank you, Lord God. May I be overflowing with thankfulness for the abundance of Your undeserved grace toward me through Jesus Christ my Treasure.

Why Did Jesus Have to Die?

(For a version of this devotion that is easier to print, see this link.)

Why did Jesus have to die?

Tomorrow we remember the death of Jesus on the cross. There are many possible perspectives on this event: It was a tragedy, as an innocent man suffered horribly at the hand of His enemies; it is an example to us, as Jesus focused not on Himself but on others; it is a major event in world history, as Christianity was born at the cross.

But there have been millions and millions of innocent people put to death. There are other ways for God to give us good examples, and other important events in history. These perspectives don’t answer the question: Why did Jesus have to die?

The third chapter of Romans provides us with the threefold answer:

  • Jesus had to die because man is thoroughly sinful;
  • Jesus had to die because God desires to display His perfect justice;
  • Jesus had to die because God desires to display His perfect love and mercy. (more…)

Thrusting Aside the Word of God

(This sermon on Acts 13:13-52 was preached February 22, 2009. The audio is available here.)

What is the Bible? What do you think of it? How do you approach it?

Many want nothing to do with it. They might respond to such questions by saying, “The Bible – that’s old and out of date. It’s not relevant for today. If I’m going to read something hundreds of pages long, I want it to be fresh, new, written for this time period, and informed by all the recent advances in knowledge. Why should I spend time looking at that old book?”

Others might see historical or sociological value in the Bible: “Oh, yes, the Bible is an interesting record of a number of the spiritual encounters of great men and (a very few) great women. Perhaps some of those encounters have a basis in a supernatural being intervening in this world. In addition, the Bible has been esteemed by millions of people over the years; it has had a major influence on this country’s history and literature. Indeed, we can’t understand the US today without understanding the Bible. So, yes, I read it, I have studied it – as history, as an important core document of several religious traditions.”

Yet others might say more: They value the Bible for personal spiritual benefits: “Yes, the Bible has had a profound influence on me. Jesus is an amazing figure, as are Moses, Elijah, Daniel, David, and others. Jesus surely was a great teacher who was closely in touch with God. He is my example; I try to live like him. There is much we must learn from the Bible. But today, we can’t even know what the Bible originally said. The church may well have massaged the text to make it say what it wanted. And, in any event, the Bible is a pre-scientific account of origins and human psychology. We’ve learned so many things that make the Bible’s worldview archaic and obsolete. So, yes, it’s very interesting, impressive, and helpful – but today we must pick and choose what topics, what passages still make sense.”

Do those attitudes sound familiar to you? Do you yourself agree with one of them?

Consider the difference between those three attitudes toward the Bible and the psalmist’s attitude, expressed in Psalm 119:169-174: (more…)

The Best Valentines Gift

Today is Valentines Day. What gift are you giving?

For those of you who are married: Do you want to give your husband or wife the greatest possible gift?

Let me tell you what that is: The greatest gift you could possibly give to your spouse would be to commit to living out your role as a Christian wife or a Christian husband by the power of the Spirit.

The book of Ephesians tells us how to do this. And the lessons begin not in chapter 5, but right at the beginning of the book.

The church, Christ’s bride, is chosen in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight (1:4). But He doesn’t say, “I’ve chosen you – so go make yourself worthy of Me!” Far from it. He Himself does the work to make us holy and blameless: He redeems us by His blood, thereby forgiving our trespasses (1:7). He even stamps His seal on us, giving us the Holy Spirit Himself; He guarantees that we will be holy and blameless, for He is the One who will transform us into Christ’s bride (1:13-14).

In chapter 2, Paul explains more of what this involves. We, on our own, were far from looking like an attractive, potential bride. Indeed, spiritually we were dead, decomposing, stinking, repugnant. We were naturally the objects of God’s judgment and wrath, not His love (2:1-3). But God loved us even in that disgusting state and united us to Christ, the giver of life. He raised us with Him, and even seated us with Christ on His throne in the heavenlies, the spiritual realm, so that He might show all just how rich His grace is (2:4-7).

Given that we deserve judgment but received mercy only because of God’s grace, and given that He chose us so that we might be holy and blameless, how should we then live? As new men, not as old men! We are made alive in Christ – yet we still live in this world and are tempted to behave like we did before. But knowing who we truly are, we are to put off that old, disgusting self. For those old ways of living are deadly; indeed, they are death. Instead, since we are children of God, act like it! We are “to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (4:24). You were once darkness, but now are light! Walk in the light, not in the darkness (5:8)! Take care, consider the way you walk – for it indicates who you are (5:15)!

How are we to do that while still living in fallen bodies in a fallen world? Only by tapping into the same power that made us alive in Christ: that is, by being filled with the Spirit, every minute of every day (5:18). For being filled with the Spirit is not an emotional experience (though joy should accompany any true filling). The Spirit empowers us to live as children of light.

The key test for whether or not we are filled with the Spirit comes in marriage. For marriage reflects the very relationship between Christ and the church that the entire book of Ephesians describes (5:32). In marriage, we have the opportunity to live out before the world what Christ has done for us: Giving us grace that we don’t deserve, loving us when we are unlovable. We then can model the unity, love, headship and submission, and perfection that characterize the relationship of Christ to the church.

For wives, the test is: When your husband is unlovable and harsh and demanding and deserving of wrath, do you nevertheless submit to him in everything (5:22-24)? And not only do you submit – do you also maintain an inner attitude of respect (5:32), even when you think he is wrong, even when you think he is misguided? Will you model the perfect, spotless Church in her response to Christ?

For husbands the test is: When your wife is unlovable and unresponsive and cold, do you nevertheless love her as Christ loved the church, laying down your personal preferences and desires for her? Will you give up yourself for her? Will you model Christ?

When husband and wife live out these truths, the marriage blossoms. When one partner lives out these truths, he or she is a great gift to the spouse, and becomes a glorious picture to the world of the grace of God.

So yes, indeed: The greatest gift you can give your husband or wife is to commit to living out your role in marriage by the power of the Spirit.

Let me emphasize those last five words: “By the power of the Spirit.” Because if you are like me, you husbands are thinking that you cannot possibly love your wife like Christ loved the church. And you women are thinking that you cannot possibly submit to your husbands in everything. I assure you, all of us struggle with this. Jesus tells us to be perfect as he is perfect. And not one of us is perfect.

But God has promised that His people will become perfect – He will change us and mold us into Christlikeness. Count on that!

Satan will try to say one of two things:

“You’re doing well enough in your marriage, at least better than most others; don’t be fanatical about this – you don’t need to change anything.” But I tell you, don’t be satisfied with a marriage that is less than perfect. Examine yourself. If you are failing to live up to these ideals, confess this to God, and ask Him to change you.

Or Satan might say, “It’s no use. If you could start over, maybe you could make this marriage work. But given your spouse, given all that has happened in your marriage, there is no hope.”

This is a pack of lies. Now, by yourselves you cannot change the habits of relating to each other you have created. “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). If you try to change through depending on your own natural resources, you will fail. But remember these great truths from Ephesians:

You are raised with Christ; you are seated with him in the heavenlies!

You are light; You can walk as children of Light!

You can be filled with the Spirit!

All this is true. By conscious, continual dependence on the Spirit within you, you can forgive your spouse, you can change old, negative patterns of relating to each other; you can live out the ideal Christian marriage.

So let us learn to walk by the Spirit in our marriages, imitating the relationship between Christ and the church.

Husbands, love your wives.

Wives, respect and submit to your husbands.
May that be today’s Valentines gift.

(This is, in part, an excerpt from a longer document on marriage that Beth and I have written. See it in its entirety at this link.)